


5 + 1

by panicked_bi_kid



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Another one of those 5 +1 stories no one asked for, F/F, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, More angst, angst fest, i also almost cried, mentions of abuse, oh and did I mention angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 01:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicked_bi_kid/pseuds/panicked_bi_kid
Summary: If you're looking for a happy ending, you're looking in the wrong place.





	5 + 1

_ Five times Adora stays (and one time she doesn’t) _

1

The first time Adora stays by her side is the day they meet. Catra had just been brought to the Horde and she was  _ terrified _ . Everything was big and dark and radiated this horrible energy that just screamed evil. 

Until she saw the girl in the bunk below hers.

“Hi! I’m Adora!”

The brightness in her face, in her hair, in her eyes, it all feels so out of place. Catra instinctively knows that Adora shouldn’t be here. On some cellular level, Catra knows that Adora doesn’t belong in this dark place. Also, she’s been staring for far longer than appropriate for anyone.

“Catra.”

Catra falls asleep alone that night, tossing for what seems like hours before her mind finally lets her fall into a tentative sleep. 

She wakes in what she thinks is the middle of the night, and there’s someone else on her bed. She’s about to scream but the dim light in the hallway catches on the person’s face for just a second and she realizes it’s Adora. 

Adora seems to realize that Catra’s awake and moves to get off. “Sorry, it’s just, it’s my first night here too and I got lonely and then I thought maybe you were lonely because you kept moving around so I crawled up here and yeah I’m gonna leave now. Sorry.”

Catra’s more shocked than anything else. One by the sheer amount of words that just came out the girl’s mouth, and two by the fact that this girl, this tiny girl that she doesn’t even know, cared about her to check on her.

“No, wait, stay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Stay. Please.” Catra doesn’t try to hide the desperation she puts in the last word. And if Adora notices, she doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll never leave you Catra. Ever.”

And when they wake up together, Catra believes her.

 

* * *

2

They’re a little older now, a little wiser, and a lot more bruised. Catra has long since lost count of how many times she’s taken a hit or gotten a cut. Not that it matters. Shadow-Weaver doesn’t care how many times she falls. She doesn’t care how many times Catra gets up. She doesn’t care how many times Catra gets back up, even when all the odds are stacked against her, when everyone else has given up, when no one thinks she will.

Today is one of those days. Adora quickly rose through the group as the star, the leader, golden girl, the person everyone else should strive to be. Impossible, Catra thinks to herself as Shadow-Weaver takes her down the hall for yet another punishment. She tries not to think about the guilty look she knows she’ll find in Adora’s eyes when she goes back to the dorms. 

She can’t help but think of Adora as she limps back to the dorm. The brightness in her eyes, the softness of her hair, the callouses on her hands that both of them know she’s far too young to have. The matching ones on her own hands. The innocence in Adora’s face as she takes in everything Shadow-Weaver is teaching them, swallowing the lies hook line and sinker. 

As she guessed, Adora is waiting for her on her bunk when she gets back. She feels Adora’s eyes take in the new cuts and bruises, and she can see the guilt growing in Adora’s eyes as she climbs up onto the bunk.

“I’m sorry Catra.”

She waves her off. “It’s okay. I can take it.”

Adora looks like she wants to say something else, to refute Catra’s words, but her mouth remains shut and she moves to get off the bunk. Catra’s not really sure why, but she reaches her arm out and grabs Adora before she can hop to the ground.

“Wait, stay.” 

And when Adora’s eyes light up brighter than the training room when someone fails, Catra knows why. Adora needs this. To feel like it isn’t her fault that Catra is in pain. She needs to know she’s doing the right thing. And at that moment, Catra knows that she’ll do anything for this girl.

 

* * *

 

3

Training is harder now. It’s not too bad though, Catra’s also stronger. She’s faster, jumps higher, and punches harder. But she’s still not good enough. She’s starting to think she might never be.

Shadow-Weaver was particularly brutal with her punishment today and Catra’s not quite sure how she managed to stay conscious the whole time. Except she is. Adora. It’s always Adora. 

Adora is the reason she was punished today. Adora’s always been the reason, but particularly so today. Catra could have beaten Adora today when they were sparring. She could’ve taken the opening and slammed Adora to the ground, finally freeing herself of the burden of Shadow-Weaver’s punishment.

But then she glanced into Adora’s eyes and a split second later, it was all over. She lost focus and Adora surged forward. 

There’s no guilt in Adora’s eyes this time. Only anger and confusion. They sit in silence next to each other on the bottom bunk, Catra waiting for Adora to break the silence.

“You could’ve taken the opening. Taken me down. Why didn’t you?”

There are so many things Catra wants to say. But all the reasons she had a second ago have evaporated (also the author was too lazy to think of any reasons). 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She’s lying through her teeth and they both know it. 

Adora doesn’t even try to leave, and Catra doesn’t ask her to. For the first time, Catra wonders to herself why she promised to protect the girl that is now curled up next to her. She wonders why she’s putting herself through all this extra, unnecessary pain. 

“I’m not going to leave you Catra. Even if you beat me.”

“I know.”

And suddenly she’s reminded why. Because the girl curled up next to her deserves the world. But Adora’s also now aware how high her own walls really are. If Adora can’t get through, no one can. But maybe a part of her wants Adora to get through. Just so that she’s not alone. She’s been alone for too long, she thinks.

 

* * *

 

4 

They’re a lot older now, a far cry from who they were when they first came to the Horde. They’re stronger, faster, smarter, but Catra still pales in comparison to Adora. At least by Shadow-Weaver’s standards. Of course, Adora was there for her, offering empty words of comfort after every punishment that Catra had finally realized was literal torture. Every so often a stab of resentment struck her as she watched Adora perfectly lead the squad through a training mission. But then Kyle would inevitably screw something up, or she would lose to Adora  _ again _ , and the feeling would disappear.

Eventually, Catra stopped showing up to practice missions. Eventually, Adora would stop trying to drag her to them. Eventually, Catra would find her own corner, far away from Kyle and the rest of the squad and Shadow-Weaver. And Adora. Especially Adora. And as the weeks and months went by, she found herself sleeping there more and more often. She tries to ignore the strange ache in her chest she felt when she tries to listen for Adora’s soft breathing underneath her and only thing heard the creaking of old pipes and the constant sound of distant battle. A painful reminder that she’s constantly surrounded by war.

The next night, she sneaks away again but Adora follows her. She knows she could easily shake Adora off her tail but she doesn’t. She misses the sound of Adora sleeping next to her. So when she gets to her spot and pretends to be surprised that Adora’s behind her, she just smirks and shows off the place that’s really just a corner with a sleeping mat and a few stolen rations.

“So this is where you keep sneaking off to.” Adora pretends to be exasperated but the small smile on her face makes it clear she isn’t actually angry. But then she turns to leave and every cell in Catra’s tired body is screaming at her to make Adora stay.

“Wait, Adora,” She turns, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. “Stay.”

It’s just one word, but Adora’s entire demeanor suddenly changes. And when they lie down together, Adora basically lying on top of Catra in order for both of them to fit on the small mat, Catra realizes that Adora isn’t perfect. That while Adora is the golden girl, the weight of the title is pulling her down, and Catra’s wondering when Adora’s eyes got so battle worn. When Adora’s eyes started looking like her own.

 

* * *

 

5

Adora getting promoted to Force Captain wasn’t a surprise. Hell, Catra’s surprised it took this long. And she’s  _ happy _ , for the first time in a long time. Partially because her best friend, her only friend really, just got the one thing she’s been working towards since she learned how rankings worked, and also because finally,  _ finally,  _ she’s out of Adora’s shadow. 

But then comes the realization that she is just as good as Adora at everything and they both know it. Except she didn’t get promoted. And that she’s still stuck in Adora’s shadow.

With that comes anger. A white-hot fury that burns through her veins and spills over into every movement as she runs, leaps, and climbs through the Fright Zone, trying to get as far away from Adora as she can because she’s gone through hell and back but  _ she’s still not good enough.  _ Not where it matters. And Adora’s perfect, too perfect, and Catra doesn’t know if she wants to punch her or kiss her. So she runs. Because she doesn’t know what else to do. It’s a silent cry for help, a plea for Adora to stay with her. 

Adora finds her a little while later, of course she does, and Catra’s absolutely done with Shadow-Weaver. Okay maybe not absolutely, but the only thing on her mind is how she’s going to get out of this hell-hole. If she doesn’t make Force Captain then she can’t lead a team on a mission and then mysteriously go missing. 

But then they’re racing out of the Fright Zone together and it feels a whole lot like Adora wants to stay with Catra. And even as the crash through the forest together, she’s sure that when she leaves the Fright Zone for good, she’s taking Adora with her.

 

* * *

 

+1

If you asked her who Adora was to her, she would have a lot of answers. A pain in the ass? Obviously. A major overachiever? Most definitely. Her best friend? No question. The person she’s been in love with for the past twelve years? Unfortunately.

The day they met, Adora promised she would never leave. And she’s kept that promise for the last twelve years.

So when they find the sword, albeit, by accident, she’s surprised when Adora seems off. Just a little. Like she’s suddenly unlocked a piece of herself that she didn’t know existed. 

She can tell Adora wants to leave as fast as possible, to go back that godforsaken forest to find the sword that apparently gave her a magical vision. Catra’s still pretty sure the only thing Adora got from that forest was brain damage but who is she to argue. She’s not the one who found a glowy sword that she’s pretty sure doesn’t actually exist. 

For the first time, getting Adora to stay is difficult. Just getting her to go back to the dorms to sleep was a challenge. She didn’t outright say she wanted to leave, but when she tries to sneak away in the middle of the night as Catra predicted she would, there’s this urgency in her eyes that Catra’s never seen before. And when Catra begs her to just come back, to stay, she doesn’t listen.

The next time they meet is on the battlefield. Adora found the sword she was rambling about and now she wants to stay with the Rebellion because the Horde was evil? Catra wants to rip her hair out. “OF COURSE THE HORDE IS EVIL DUMMY!” She wants to scream. She wants to remind Adora that she came back to the dorms every day with new cuts, new bruises, new memories scarred in her mind.

Tasing Adora is one of the hardest things she’s ever done. She ignores the tiny part of herself that’s satisfied with finally beating Adora. Sure it’s not a fair fight, but life isn’t fair. The only lesson from Shadow-Weaver worth remembering. But Adora’s still refusing to come with her and suddenly her new friends are charging at her and Adora is a princess and Adora is begging for Catra to join the Rebellion.

There it is. Her ticket out of the Horde. Her chance to leave behind the hellhole she’s been forced to call home her entire life. All of it that she can remember anyway. She almost caves, she almost reaches out and takes it, joins Adora. But then a realization dawns on her. A lot of those have been happening recently.

If she joins the Rebellion, she’ll be in Adora’s shadow. Again. She loves Adora. She does. She loves Adora so much that sometimes she can’t breathe. She loves Adora so much more than she loves herself. And Adora promised that she wouldn’t leave.

So for the first time, she stands up and stands against Adora. 

And when Adora begs her to stay with her, she just backs away, the echo of a broken promise playing like a broken record in her mind. Because Adora promised. She promised she promised, she promised,  _ she promised. _

There’s an odd ache in Catra’s chest as she rides the skiff back to the Fright Zone, like someone reached into her chest and tore her heart apart.  _ So that’s what heartbreak feels like. _

Tears form, but she doesn’t let them fall. Adora doesn’t deserve her tears. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Bonus: _

She-Ra’s right there. On the ground, her armor in tatters. The glow around her fades and then it’s just Adora lying there, bloody, bruised, her eyes carrying this brokenness that Catra’s only ever seen reflected back at her in a dirty mirror.

Catra takes her time, kneeling down next to Adora, scraping a single claw under her chin, tilting her chin up, forcing Adora to look at her.

“I guess I finally win.” 

There’s a look of defeat in her eyes and it is oh so satisfying. But then her eyes change and the defeat is replaced with alarm and then-

“CATRA!”

She feels her body fall, dimly registering that someone literally stabbed her in the back and oh she’s bleeding. Oh, that’s a lot of blood. She can feel it pooling underneath her and when did the world get so blurry? Breathing is getting hard now, and is that blood in her mouth?

She feels someone lift her head up and suddenly her head is on something soft, comfortable. She blinks away the fogginess in her vision and is that Adora above her? Her lips are moving but Catra can’t quite make out what she’s saying. Her head feels like it’s underwater and her limbs are heavier than they’ve ever been.

“A-A-Adora.” Her voice is quiet, and the blood in her mouth isn’t exactly making things easier. She knows she’s dying. Adora’s looking down at her now, her eyes that used to be oh so bright, now filled with pain and brokenness and tears. All traces of innocence are gone, and the battle still raging around them reminds her why.

“Y-y-you prom-pro-promised.” She breathes in again and breathes out. Her eyes slip shut, and she knows they won’t open again. She hopes Adora knows.

“No no no no no no no, CATRA!”

The last thing she hears is Adora’s cry. An anguished, pained yell that made Catra pity the soldiers around them. And then silence. Blissful, free, silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> And check out my other works for this fandom if you want to. No pressure. Kay bye.


End file.
